Memory

"If she is as bad for you as you say why do you hang out with her all the time still?"

That is a question that I have often wondered about, myself. I suppose there are reasons on both sides. I think my biggest argument for hanging out with her is that she fills in the space, she makes me feel needed, and she keeps me distracted from that egging hole inside of me. But there are so many things that dont make sense, her manipulative ways, the way that she makes me angry. Things are so exteme when I with her, but she is definately not good for me.

My friends and I went to the movies today, it was good to see them again, I have not spoken to either for a while. We are so close, but since my love had left I have spent less and less time with both of them, I love them but its hard to stay so close without her, perhaps they carry so much memory of her, I cry to myself and I lie to myself when they are there. They remind me of what I had and how much I miss it.

I love her so much.