Letter

"hey my love, I feel like writing to you. After we stopped talking I read all your blog entries all over again. Every single word at least once. You are a great writer, did you know that? The real depressing parts scare me a bit, but I know you are a happy person actually : ) After that I felt like going outside and taking a long walk in the rain, so I did. I thought about you and what you wrote and what you said to me and how happy I am when I can be with you, even just hear your voice. And I thought about what I could tell mom or better how I could tell her that I don't want to leave for two weeks right after I get there...It would be horrible having to leave you again right away. I decided to call her right when I got home and I did. But i couldn't change anything. She has planned everything already, booked stuff and all and she is way excited about it. I told her that I wanted to be with you and with other friends and everything...she understands but it is too late to change the plans. What am I gonna do, love? It makes me so sad... They want to take me to California, to Hollywood, Disneyland and all that fun stuff. I hope I can have fun there without you. I don't want to go, really. you have to know that, I would rather be with you. but I can understand that they want to spend time with me...why does it have to be so long though?I am confused, I don't know what to feel...I am angry cause I have just been wating for something that would destroy my dream that seemed so close to becoming true, everything seemed to work out just like I wanted it to. but now it doesn't anymore. now I am only gonna see you for 4 weeks instead of 6. it makes me cry. I hate this, Jeremy! I am gonna see you at the airport when I get there. they want to have the party the next day and I am gonna be tired that night so we can't hang out. maybe the next night, before I leave again. I should just steal out at night and meet you and stay with you all night, just with you. I am gonna need a lot of Jeremy before I am gonna have to leave you again for two weeks...I am gonna die cause I will miss you so much. they can't let me have you and then take you away again, that's just cruel! but it's how it is gonna be...I am sorry, I guess it is my turn to write depressing stuff, huh. it is just that it makes me so sad...all right, they will get their two weeks, then they won't see much of me for the rest of the time, cause I am gonna run away with you and hide some place nobody can find us! you know what? I love you tons, many, many tons and I can't stand being away from you anymore. it breaks my heart. you are the real reason I am coming this summer, I hope you know that. you are what is most important to me. I dont want to see hollywood or disneyland and I don't want to have a party. i just want to hug you and kiss you and talk to you for hours and hours and feel you being close to me. I will go on this trip cause it will make my family happy especially mom and the girls, they are so excited to meet me and they need me. and as soon as i get back I will be with you every day. can't we go to arizona for like a week or something, driving there and being there together? we have to make up for the two weeks we are missing...well I could go on like this forever and you are probably already tired reading this, sorry. see how much I need you to talk to me? : )I love you so much my cute love. so so much. it hurts to love so much."

This is kind, this is understanding, this is love. I dont know what to do my love, I dont know what to say, that two weeks is going to be harder than any of this ever was. But we can make it. We have a life time to be together after this is all over.

I love her