Regret

Sometimes people feel regrets. At times I am filled with regrets, I regret at times every time I made a person cry or angry. I regret leaving people that I've loved. I still love them you know. Every one of them and it is hard to turn back, I know what I did is right, but in the darkest of nights and when the world is covered in shadow while the bright stars do not glitter because of the veil of clouds. I am sad, I do have regrets at times. I will recover I will be better.

Release

A new release for me, I'm feeling pretty good lately, no girls right now. Just me and my life, not even interacting with people. Its nice to have solitude. I am excited to leave Utah though, get a fresh start.

Here is my release right now

Void

Nothing. Its all gone. Everything. Any plans I do have at this point have been delayed. Any person that I have been with are gone and basically out of my life. I am really ready to move on.... and I cant. Its sad that I have to depend on others to make me happy a lot of the time, lately I have been trying to be happy on my own accord, its been working.... sorta....

Stupid

Everything is so warm now. So tingly.... I cant sleep though. She broke up with me because I was dumb, she is so sweet though, she says she wants to get to know me now before we just be together. It hurts, it shouldnt, I am ok with it, I understand, but it still hurts. But right now it doesnt hurt so much, its all warm right now. Everything is out of focus. light and dark are almost the same. My breathing is slow I cant talk without gasping after each sentence.

I apologized, I realized how dumb I was... and how dumb I am. I feel terrible. I wish things could amend. She was like my sister, I would dare say she still is like my sister, but its been so long sinse she has spoken to me.... I still dont know exactly what I did wrong. But I know I was stupid and manipulative. Nothing really seems like anyone else's fault anymore. I know I was in the wrong the whole time now.

I feel so sick. I am sweating everywhere and yet I am cold. The light is making my head hurt now. My stomache hurts. Everything burns and yet I am still cold. I wish I could sleep, I wish they would put me to sleep, but they are not working. I thought I would never use them again. But I did. I knew I wouldnt be able to sleep. I knew I would keep crying for being so dumb. And now I still cant sleep. But I'm not crying now. I cant cry now. but I still know how dumb I am. I wanted to talk to someone. Someone to make me feel better. But the only person that I actually wanted to talk to about what was happening hates me now. Maybe I should call my sister, she always listens.... never makes things to much better though... well I guess she does... but she is the only one I have called in the past couple of weeks. I really should talk to someone though, even if I dont want to.

Fuck

Sometimes I can be a really big fool, its not who I am... but it happens. I am sorry to everyone it has effected. I dont know what I am thinking lately. I wish I could take so many things back. I hate being hated. I hate being stupid.

I hope this feeling goes away.