Thinking

You ask me what I am thinking about? I am wondering why you came onto me earlier. You ask me why I wont tell you. Because you dont want to hear it, you do these things because it manipulates me, that is why I have become so desensitized to you. Inside you are probably wondering why I didnt react to what you did. Because I am through with the mind games and my emotions being played with, my heart is now reserved for one person and that is the one person who loves me.

It hurts me just as much as it hurts you to be so quiet. But why should I tell you what I am thinking about if you will not tell me? Why should I suck up to you anymore, all you do is suck all of it out of me, every ounce of blood. You wonder why I wont tell you any of these things? Because you will not hear them, you will only turn them around on me. I am sick of being the bad guy in every situation. I am sick of it always being my fault. I am sick of being "the mean one" what has happend to all of the nice things that I have done? Huh? Is it all irrelevent because I want to be selfish for once, that perhaps I want feedback from you more than a joke, or perhaps that once in a blue moon "thank you".

Maybe I want to be surpised sometime with something nice, like perhaps you have a small meal that you made. Or maybe a note? Perhaps you could have something planned rather on me saying. "What do you want to do?" then have to drive, pay, and take shit. Perhaps we can talk today about how mean I am, or how I want something that you will only give to say.... everyone aside from myself, or maybe we can talk about how sad your life is and how picked on you are, and how I should feel sorry for you. Well damn it! I am sick and tired of being sorry for you. Its always about you, even when its about me, its about you. I want to be noticed as something for once, something special maybe, perhaps as something good. Instead of a beast of burden which takes care of all your troubles of every sort.

God I love you. I just cant stand the fact that even when you say I am not, in your mind I am and always will be nothing.

This is your song:


I am upset because to you, I am nothing.