wrong

I look back at a lot of my old posts and I have noticed a consistancy, each time I have had a girl I have felt like I was in love. I dont know if its the case this time, it might be like every other time, or maybe its something more. It feels like everything works, like there is some life in it, some spice, but consistancy, there are no long lasting hard feelings, no boredom.... just bliss. But who knows. I've been wrong before.

Letter

I wrote you a letter last night, in the cold while I floated in the chair, there was everything. How I felt, how I truely felt. I've lied to everyone, even myself. I do everything to convince myself that you are not good for me, not what I want, not what I need. I find other people and try to attach myself to them, it never works, I always come back. I try not to think about you, I really do. It doesnt work. I wanted to give you this letter, so many things that would be hard to take in, I suppose that is why I did not give it to you, I am afraid, I have always been afraid of failing, of loosing, of not being good enough, I've been so afraid that I couldnt see past my own nose, I could not see my chance, and I feel like its lost, like there is no chance anymore.

I.... I hope there is.

quiet

I cant help but feel lonely tonight, a longing, a needing, I am happy... enough. But lonely.