Stupid

Everything is so warm now. So tingly.... I cant sleep though. She broke up with me because I was dumb, she is so sweet though, she says she wants to get to know me now before we just be together. It hurts, it shouldnt, I am ok with it, I understand, but it still hurts. But right now it doesnt hurt so much, its all warm right now. Everything is out of focus. light and dark are almost the same. My breathing is slow I cant talk without gasping after each sentence.

I apologized, I realized how dumb I was... and how dumb I am. I feel terrible. I wish things could amend. She was like my sister, I would dare say she still is like my sister, but its been so long sinse she has spoken to me.... I still dont know exactly what I did wrong. But I know I was stupid and manipulative. Nothing really seems like anyone else's fault anymore. I know I was in the wrong the whole time now.

I feel so sick. I am sweating everywhere and yet I am cold. The light is making my head hurt now. My stomache hurts. Everything burns and yet I am still cold. I wish I could sleep, I wish they would put me to sleep, but they are not working. I thought I would never use them again. But I did. I knew I wouldnt be able to sleep. I knew I would keep crying for being so dumb. And now I still cant sleep. But I'm not crying now. I cant cry now. but I still know how dumb I am. I wanted to talk to someone. Someone to make me feel better. But the only person that I actually wanted to talk to about what was happening hates me now. Maybe I should call my sister, she always listens.... never makes things to much better though... well I guess she does... but she is the only one I have called in the past couple of weeks. I really should talk to someone though, even if I dont want to.